This is the third of 7 articles that can make your marriage stronger or save your marriage. The first article may be found in the free download you receive when you sign up to receive our newsletter.
Think back to how you felt when you just started dating ― the way you felt so much in love and how you cared so much for the other person. A glance at the past can transform your relationship! It can help you change current relationship problems you may be facing.
Anger and negativity accompany so many relationships. It can be hard for you to think about the things that brought you and the other person together once you start seeing all these problems.
If you want to know how to fix a relationship, know that just a simple conversation can be enough to bring the relationship back on track. A simple conversation can help you remember all those things that made you feel perfect for each other when you started seeing each other.
Think about how much you enjoyed spending time with the other person, how much you looked forward to each date, and how seeing the other person put butterflies in your stomach and a smile on your face ― every single time. Think about what it was that attracted you, and how that attraction helped love to form.
You will begin to see your partner in a new light. If you think about how much you admired the person, how much fun you had together, all the fun times that you spent in each other’s company ― you will put the rose-colored tint back in your glasses. Your heart was so full of love that your brain was empty of everything else. You didn’t have a care in the world, but all you could think of was how much this person ― this one, special person ― elicited such a feeling of joy in you.
Thinking back on the good times is exactly what you need to get the fire blazing again. Remarkably, those feelings that you once had will come back to the surface. Everyone wants to feel the excitement that they felt when they were falling in love for the first time, and you may find that thinking about those times will help you to realize, “Hey, I want what I once had.” As you spend time remembering and talking with your partner about all those fun times, the memories and the warm feelings that accompany them will flood you and you will find yourself seeing your partner in a new light.
Try this. Remember that special date you went on to that restaurant that has become your favorite place to eat on a weekend? Remember how special it was to eat there for the first time when you were young and barely earning enough to afford it? Maybe it’s gotten to be a routine now, but wasn’t it so much fun when you were younger and scrounging to save? There may be boring routines that you have settled into, but remember the trepidation you felt when you tried them for the first time.
It is surprising how many couples find that this type of remembering works. The truth is that a memory isn’t just something locked in your brain. Memories are like photographs that your brain has developed ― they can actually be felt, tasted, smelled, and lived once more. Discuss the senses of the memories.
All in all, most couples still admire each other, and they still love their partner greatly – it is just that the problems seem to overshadow the good. Talking about and thinking about the good will help to bring those things to the fore, and that will give your relationship a chance to get back on track. It will take time, work, and a whole lot of effort, but spending time looking back can be the key to knowing how to fix a relationship – as all relationship advice experts will tell you. Some researchers have found that more than 90% of the people that spend time talking about and thinking back on the good times they had in the early stages of their relationship are able to not only get over their relationship problems, but actually go on to have a better, happier relationship.
The secret to being able to rekindle that relationship – to really know how to fix a relationship no matter how rough it has gotten – is looking backward to move forward. Most of the memories that you have of your distant past are happy, though the recent past may not be. Focus on those distant past memories and on all the fun things and happy times you shared. Use these memories as a buffer between you and the recent past memories of the rough times.
The positive feelings that accompany thinking about these things will be just what you need to help you get rid of the resentments, anger, and emotional problems that are causing issues in your relationship right now. All the things that you are going through right now are the result of the recent past, not the distant past. If you can disconnect yourself from your recent past and get in touch with the happiness you felt in the distant past, you will have a whole new perspective on your relationship.
Now, just because you are doing this, it doesn’t mean you will suddenly be problem-free and life will be easy. It will take time to get over the resentments and hurts of the recent past; but the good news is that the time you spend thinking and talking with your partner about your past is guaranteed to help you rekindle those happy feelings.
If you can use this simple trick to help you and your partner think back and get in touch with the emotions you felt so long ago, you will transform your relationship problems and improve your relationship communication; and best of all, you will find happiness is waiting just around the corner for you!
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